i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
