its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
