It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
