I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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