You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
