Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
