Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
