In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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