All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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