Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
