The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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