he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When did angry sex become our thing?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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