The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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