Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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