I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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