We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
