She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
