I think I won the penis lottery.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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