I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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