the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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