Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
