bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
being pregnant is like rehab
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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