Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Nobody cheats on THIS.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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