"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
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Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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