we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
