Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
