he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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