oh god the rape fog is back!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
