Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
