what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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