Porn is love you can see.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
