I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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