shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
