ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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