before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
