R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
