How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
