I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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