I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
