are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
