just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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