So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
