I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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