I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
