you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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