so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
