my being single is dangerous.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
