So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
