Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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