Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
