I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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