I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
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We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
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I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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