party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
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Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
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I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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