he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
