Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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