We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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