I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
