my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
