hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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