never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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