i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
