tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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