At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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