So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
