genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
