haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
