Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
honey bunches of taint.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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