Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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