nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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