Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
