I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
