I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
