just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
