I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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