Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I love having hate sex.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
