i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
