I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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