My friends, they love my intelligence
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
