Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
