Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
