get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
