you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
