Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
