If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
